The swearing jar

I regret to say we are having to institute a new swearing jar in Doha. I don't know why but I thought that moving to another country, especially such a pure country as this, might have a positive influence on the amount of bad words coming out of our mouths. We were very good for a time but gradually I have noticed some regrettable language creeping back in. The boys are now able to say bad words in English, Afrikaans and Arabic. They say the new bad words with great relish. And sometimes repeatedly. However the boys are not the catalyst for the new swearing jar.

We were driving along the Valley of Death this morning when the traffic slowed down and then stopped. Gridlock again at the uncontrolled intersection near the school. A bus up one bumper, a big four wheel drive in front - no chance to change lanes. A new lane formed in the middle of the road with a slow but steady stream of cars flowing past me in the direction of the school, as the time ticked by towards lateness. My zen calm started to evaporate away.

All of a sudden a car crept up on the outside of our car- one wheel precariously on the tarmac a mere three inches away from us, the other on the wasteland next to the road as it started to nose in front of us. I'm afraid to say it was all too much for me, and as the traffic started to inch its way forward I stuck like glue to the car in front, trying to keep him from nosing his way in. I also said some very bad words in front of the boys, to the effect of, "you stupid man, can't you see that I have to get my kids to school too, and anyway I was here first!"

I noticed a movement inside the car, and when I focused I saw Robbie waving cheerfully at this car. This was too much. I enquired with words in the same vein to the effect of, "Robbie, what on earth do you think you are doing?!"

"Mum", he said, "that's my friend Ibrahim in the car next to us".

"Well, you tell your friend Ibrahim that I don't think much of his @#%&# Dad's driving"

"Mum, shall I use all those words when I tell him we don't like his Dad's driving?"

We were relaying this story to Ian this evening. Robbie suggested and we all agreed that the amount of language was unnecessary and that the swearing jar should be reinstituted. Ian has seized control as the sole arbiter of what is a swear word and what is borderline bad language but not worthy of a fine. The boys are happy as "bum" has been declared a non-swearword, unlike the happy days in New Zealand when I was the sole arbiter. They are not so happy about certain noisy bodily functions being defined as swearing - that will take some new discipline. Leo's idea is that the person who swears the least during the week should receive the proceeds of the swearing jar.

I'm just off to my wallet to empty it into the jar after today's efforts.